Grappling with not feeling good enough
No matter how hard you try, you still feel like you are falling short. You worry that you will never live up to the expectations of others and that no matter how much you do, you are never good enough.
You may have felt this way throughout your life, or maybe you are starting to realize this more now. You wonder if anyone else feels like this or where this feeling came from. For some, never feeling good enough is related to messages that others told them either at home, school, or work. Maybe your parents always told you your grades were never good enough, or you were only praised for perfect grades, achievements, or good behavior. Over time you learned that you are only good enough if you behave how others expect you to, or when you are achieving something great.
Not feeling good enough is also tied to perfectionism, self-doubt, and self-criticism. As you grow, there isn’t someone consistently telling you that you’re doing a good job. There are no grades for life or relationships. As you step into adulthood, you start to realize that you have to be your own supporter and you can’t rely solely on other people’s expectations of you. However, you are still craving and seeking this external validation and support. That’s not your fault, and is something you learned to depend on over time.
As we become more independent, we begin to turn that critical voice and expectations we used to hear from others inward, except the voice isn’t actually coming from anyone anymore, it is coming from ourselves. That inner critic that develops is trying to help motivate you, it’s trying to guide you so that you are productive, well liked, and accepted. But what if that voice is actually doing more harm than good? That voice that tells you you’re not good enough and you need to do more, leaves you constantly feeling stressed and disappointed.
If you feel like that inner critic that tells you you’re not good enough is ruling your life, it’s time to realize that this expectation is something that you are continuing to reinforce inside your mind and it can be changed. Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself, who says you are not good enough? Good enough for who? Your partner? Your friends? Your family? Your boss? What does “never good enough” even mean? What would it mean to you to finally be good enough?
Regardless of what you’ve achieved in life and how many people like you, you are good enough. Being a person just trying to get through the day like everyone else and doing the best you can makes you good enough. The reality is, if you don’t feel like you are good enough for you, that’s what matters the most, not what other people think of you. Your achievements and productivity do not define your worth. You are worthy of love, joy, and relaxation, regardless of what you accomplished today. When you can lean towards acting in ways that bring you joy and alignment, instead of focusing on never feeling good enough, that’s when you will truly feel like you are enough for anyone and most importantly for yourself.